The Premiere Showing

The language on your lips is [art]ificial

Like plastic parts portraying humanity.

Never changing creatures of habit— (except when I’m not there)

A glorious act of artistic ability

To perform on a stage of lies and deceit.

But, like some plastic: clear, crystalline and cloudless

(A window to the truth)

I can see right through.

Neither regal, nor utopian— like those great costumes and maquillage provide

But bitter, bare, battered and blunderous.

An infallible, fake facet of yourselves.

A play for me to watch (without a ticket)

And, without respect.

Do you practice when I’m not there? (You must)

Just, let me see your naked portrait

Painted by your eternal audience

The gadgets residing inside (Uninterested)

Who see the certainty at night.

Please let me backstage—I will eventually see

But, maybe, I shouldn’t.

Just the Right Blue

So blue, but just the right blue

A sui generis shade

That lies In the middle of the spectrum

Not quite as dark as the midnight sky

Or as the gold-buttoned navy suit soldiers march home in

From war to kiss their sweetheart

Not as light as the serene seas bordering

Seductive islands with beaches never touched

In the corners of the world where the dolphins dance

Across the street

The swimming pool is a lighter shade from the lining

Fading over the years

Flecked green like mine

Pure like a baby’s in their first glance of

Our confusing realm between the stars

Containing a shimmer when the sun pierces them

Like the pavement on the summer city streets

A sweet innocence where to wrap myself

And take an infinite nap with you

Cloaking the affliction but glorifying the beauty in

The following day that follows this night

Just the right blue for me

Roller Coaster

Life is like a roller coaster

With ups and downs and turns,

First times are always shocking

But, by the second time you learn.

Life is like a roller coaster

With ins and outs and drops,

No matter how horrible it may get

It always rolls back to the top.

Life is like a roller coaster

It whips you side to side,

But when you get your balance

It makes it quite a ride.

Life is like a roller coaster

It’s scary, yet, it's fun,

With friends and family in your seat

It makes it worth the run.

Life is like a roller coaster

Once you’re on, you can’t get off until it stops,

Even if you’re not satisfied,

You make the best of what you’ve got.

Life is like a roller coaster

You must grip the bar and hold on tight,

Even when you are wearing thin,

You get through it with all your might.

Life is like a roller coaster

A leisurely ride that you must take,

Even though it is built to last,

At times it sure does break.

Life is like a roller coaster

A rush, a struggle, a high,

It moves so quickly and before you know it,

Time has flown right by.

Just One Moment

Take a moment

Close your eyes

Clear your head

Forget your worries

And forget your pain.

Take a moment

Open your eyes

Watch the rainfall

Stare at the horizon

Squint in the sunlight.

Take a moment

Open your senses

Smell the roses

Hear the laughter

Taste life’s passion.

Take a moment

Open your heart

Let him love you

Don’t be scared

Embrace the opportunity.

Take a moment

Open your soul

Feel the peace

Breathe in the serenity

Calm your fears.

Take a moment

Close your eyes

Recall your childhood

Remember the memories

Reminisce your life.

Take a moment

Be thankful

For today

And

For the hope of tomorrow.

Just Life

Sometimes it feels like life is

Rushing by so fast,

And other times

It feels like it can’t go fast enough.

Sometimes it is as though everything is

Perfect.

And during those spectacular little moments,

Life is flying by so quickly that there isn’t

Enough time,

To fully appreciate the joy that you feel.

Then there are those other times,

When things are at there lowest.

When you are frustrated by the slow-moving tides

Of your days,

And angry at the fact that there isn’t a

Gas pedal

To help you speed through those slippery spots when you get

Stuck.

Stuck in a point of your life that you can’t wait

To escape from.

Sometimes I wish that life were like television, you know,

Things would be a lot easier and a lot more enjoyable

If you were able to rewind to those heavenly times,

Fast forward through the rough times,

And pause yourself in those incredible times.

But it isn’t.

Its just life.

Sometimes it is better than you could have ever imagined,

And other times it is as though you feel it cant get any worse.

But, hey,

Its just life.

Enjoy what you get,

Because you only get one run.

There are no second chances,

And there is no eraser on the tip of the pencil

That you use to write your existing story.

Once a mark is made,

It’s there forever.

I know it may seem unfair,

But remember,

That’s just life.

Luckier Than All

From I to we, from me to us

I exemplify luck in all its glory.

No greater gift than that of your love

Wrapped in a tiny red box and trimmed with gold ribbon

It is my most treasured possession.

When I hold it in my hands,

I can feel your heart’s beauty surrounding me.

Neither finding a lucky penny nor wining the lottery

Could even closely compare to the luck I have encountered when you came into my life.

Even making the winning shot with your eyes closed

Or falling off a bicycle without even a scratch or a scar

Could not compare to being the one that you kiss goodnight.

To have your love makes me the lucky one.

Luckier than any other with homes lined with gold and filled with riches,

Or living in a castle larger than the tallest mountain.

None of that matters; all I need is the comfort of knowing that I have you in my life forever.

To know that my savior, my angel, my soul-mate

Will be by my side and hand me a new gift of love everyday.

Over time this gift will only grow larger,

Until the box is so big that I can no longer hold it in my hands, but instead I will hold them all in my heart.

Luck may seem to some as a beacon of hope for good things to come, that once in a lifetime special chance,

And this is as true as my heart is sure that you are the one,

But I see luck every time I look into your eyes.

I see luck as the fate that brought us together on this day,

I see luck as an opportunity to be truly happy.

And as the one thing in my life that I appreciate the most.

For to have you and your love, makes me the luckiest of all.

Flourescent Memories (Prose Poem)

It has been far too long since I have seen her. She walks off the plane with her hair in her typical tightly wound blonde bun. The fluorescent lights in the terminal accentuate the fluorescence of the bleach that penetrates to her roots. Her gentle face, although wrinkled and aged, has the essence of a ten-year-old girl: so innocent and sweet. She can’t hear very well, but you get used to hearing “WHAT?” every three minutes. Like a comforting blanket, her presence has warmed the energy of our family; she has created a bridge between our stress and sanity.

As we sit at the dinner table, I remember how she took care of me like her own while my mother was at work. Making Barbie Dolls come to life and playing the pigpen game; I looked forward to it every rainy afternoon. Whenever she bought me a toy, I would frantically open it up, put my shiny new friend off to the side, and climb inside the box to transport myself to a new world. She encouraged my wild imagination. I always knew that after dinner, she would open a cabinet below the oven and take out a glossy blue tin that contained the most delicious cookies in the entire world. The crystallized sugar that sat atop the buttery soft surface was like nothing I have tasted before. I was only allowed to pick one out of the little white doilies that they lived in, but I always knew that the next day I would get to choose another. In the summer I would throw on my favorite pink polka-dotted bathing suite, slide on my swimmies and jump in her pool. She laughed how I always knew not to pass the patio without my swimmies. When my skin burned from the sun, I would wander around the shady parts of the grass, along the fence, and collect the swirly snails that stuck to the sides. We would put them in a small box, with holes to breathe, and save them to show mommy what I had found.

She was my playmate, and I appreciated her. Most of my childhood memories include her, and now that she is back, I feel like I am still sitting on that bright green carpet playing the “oink oink game.” Even when she returns back to the west, I know that I will still be able to see the reflection of her bright blonde bun, wound just as tight as when I was three.

Cram

My eyes fall shut,

It’s almost over.

Late at night, or early in the morning

Can’t even tell the difference.

The sun

Peaks through the cracks

Of the high-rise windows.

Staring at me, and waiting for me

To crack too.

Everything stands still.

Moving slower;

My soft pink brain thickens

And expands

To the point of no return.

Explosion!

Oh, that woke me up.

Words are jumbled

Because the little helpers in my head

Have shut the lights

And closed up for the night.

They went home to get some rest

And left me

Here.

To stumble on my thoughts

And, stare at the inkblot shapes

That sort of resemble letters

On the crisp, unopened white pages

Of my fate.

It all rides on tomorrow

But, I can’t bring myself

To care

Anymore.

What was she thinking?

That I could handle this

Tonight?

My pillow feels like

A warm afternoon hug.

Please, just a little longer.

Don’t let go.

I’m tired.

Twisted Turns

(I wrote this when I used to drive back and forth from Penn State every weekend)

Oh guardian angel,

With your bright glow lighting my way

On the road,

In the mountains,

In the snow,

You slush, slide, slick, smooth, dark, ice, moon.

Oh friend who helps me through

On this dreadful journey,

I thank you.

How do I make it home?

When my emotions are, rushing

And I can’t see through

The glaze.

The reason,

Unbearable.

A fight

To the finish, every time

Back and forth, and back again

Do I have to?

I do it.

Speeding by,

A flash, stream, race of light

He stops me. I beg. I plea.

The scenery is

Exquisite

Peaks and Pitfalls

To Heaven and nightmares

(Take the plunge; dive headfirst)

But, I don’t see it.

Just the road.

_______________Lines of thick,

_______________Yellow paint.

Pandemonium

Don’t fall

(Fall)

Keep going

Through the Sting

That will keep coming back

Sometimes

Sometimes it feels like the

World is falling apart

Around you.

You can’t breathe.

You cant sleep.

Sometimes it feels like

Everyone

Is against you.

They all laugh and mock

Your foolish ways.

Sometimes it feels like

Everything in your life

Is breaking.

The walls are collapsing.

I’m suffocated.

My lungs fill up with

Just enough air

To take one last breathe.

Sometimes it feels like

He just doesn’t want

You to be happy.

He brings upon the

Obstacles

That you must face in order

To succeed.

Why does he do such a thing?

Am I learning?

I think so.

But, he could take it easy

Once in a while.

Give me a break.

Give me some time to breathe.

Sometimes it feels like

I’m gasping for air;

Like the stars are colliding

And the oceans are overflowing.

Time needs to stop;

It needs to settle the

Pain.

People need to take

A look around,

And he needs to

Choose the ones who

Deserve it.

Sometimes it feels like

I just want to crawl under my own

Skin and hide.

I live in this state of denial.

I want to run away from

The sorrow;

Escape the torment

And flee from the problems.

But I cant.

I can’t hide.

Wherever I may go,

It will find me.

There I will stand

With my body naked

To the world,

And my heart handed to them

On a platter of redemption.

Please rescue me.

Take me away from this

Torture.

Make it stop.

Sometimes I feel like

I wish I could open my eyes

In the morning

And the pattern,

The tapestry,

Of life

Will be changed forever,

And everything will fall

Back into place.

My Internal War

There is a war going on inside of me,

Battles fought,

Won and lost.

Interests colliding and thoughts

Crashing.

Emotions released and

Stomped on.

Feelings in combat against each other,

Confronting my fears.

Shots heard,

Awakening my soul.

Slaughtering my faith

And hiding from the pain.

Confusion eats away my mind,

Hope arising from the ashes of my past.

My heart beating faster and faster,

The war won’t end.

It never ends.

Time passes by and on the outside

Life goes on,

But on the inside

It’s already severely wounded.

My blood runs fast and deep,

But the sensation is numb.

The battle hurts every essence

Of my being.

It hinders my thoughts and

Clouds my head.

It’s war.

War is vicious and doesn’t end

Until there is a victory,

But, what is my victory?

As it continues

My strength

Grows thinner.

I’m getting weaker,

And the war is killing my spirit.

Revitalize me.

Come to me.

I don’t want you to fight my battles,

But, I need you to stand next to me

While I fight them myself.

I can’t do it alone.

That’s one lesson I have learned

From my internal war.

It's Me

Do you feel that?

It’s me.

My hand on your shoulder

The soft, wet, kiss on

Your cheek.

Do you feel that?

The prayers from my soul

Pouring out of the

Innermost essence of my being.

Do you feel that?

My love that surrounds

You,

My faith and trust

That are forever in your name.

Do you feel that?

My hope that yesterday

Will be but a

Memory that we wish to

Forget,

And tomorrow will be a new

Beginning

Encompassing a not only healed,

But changed man.

Do you feel that?

It’s my embrace;

The picturesque moment

Of a father

And his proud daughter.

Do you feel that?

My amazement

Of you,

Your strength,

And your courage.

Do you feel that?

It’s my laughter;

I am laughing at God,

Hah, he thinks he can pull one over

On you.

I don’t think he knows

That you too, are a god.

Immortal.

Do you feel that?

It’s me.

Forget Me Not - (A Pantoum)

Voices echoing in the night, while the fear sets in.

I try to forget the sounds and the smells.

Hidden in the darkest corners are the memories of the crisp, cold tile.

Staring down at the gentle curves of his face.

I try to forget the sounds and the smells.

The towel is so drenched that it drips from the edges and down his neck.

Staring down at the gentle curves of his face.

The scent of Hawaiian sunrise Febreeze covers up the malicious aroma.

The towel is so drenched that it drips from the edges and down his neck.

I cry away the worry: the anxiety: the horror.

The scent of Hawaiian sunrise Febreeze covers up the malicious aroma.

The hope drips down in the tears that have been wiped away by your hand.

I cry away the worry: the anxiety: the horror.

Keep me inside the bubble blown with the breath of his beauty.

The hope drips down in the tears that have been wiped away by your hand.

The need to run away has never been so profound.

Keep me inside the bubble blown with the breath of his beauty.

My mother screams with the deepest form of frustration.

The need to run away has never been so profound.

I will always be the plate of which she piles on her hungered heart.

My mother screams with the deepest form of frustration.

Crawling inside the cave made of thick, woolen, dark covers.

I will always be the plate of which she piles on her hungered heart.

Like the tiny blue buds that screamed “Forget-me-not!” as Adam and Eve left

The Garden of Eden, I yearn for her to notice.

Crawling inside the cave made of thick, woolen, dark covers.

I don’t pray—but I pray for it to fade quickly.

Like the tiny blue buds that screamed “Forget-me-not!” as Adam and Eve left

The Garden of Eden, I yearn for her to notice.

I don’t like to hear the relayed rubbish, but what more can I believe?

I don’t pray—but I pray for it to fade quickly.

Please keep near to catch me when my legs are shaking.

I don’t like to hear the relayed rubbish, but what more can I believe?

You always have the answer.

Please keep near to catch me when my legs are shaking.

Lessons are learned only once in a lifetime.

But, you always have the answer.

Hidden in the darkest corners are the memories of the crisp, cold tile

Burning through my soles.

Her Friends

Daisies dancing in the wind

White, and inviting

Standing tall and proud

Waiting for someone to notice them—

She did.

Gliding through the field

With her blonde hair catching

The same breeze

She looks up and smiles at them

And they smile back.

Her newly found friends

Of whom she chooses a few

To take home.

Their bright yellow hearts

(That the bees collect)

The same as her golden locks

Are familiar to her.

Their smell of daybreak

The remains from the cold of the night

And the scent of breakfast eggs

That rode the breeze

From the open kitchen window

Intoxicates her like a natural drug.

But, she’s too young to realize.

Running as fast as she can

To catch the one that might

Blow away;

That’s the one she wants

The magical one

The one that can fly.

She finally catches it,

Puts it in a perfect pink porcelain vase

And sets it next to his bed.

He looks at her and she says,

“I picked this for you daddy.”

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on your face

Judging all that’s raw

No need for a reflection

Your eyes express it all.

Whisper, whisper on your breath

Words don’t stumble when they

Fall

Keep in mind, I have a mirror

In which I stand up Tall.

Fire, fire builds up deep

When I hear the beaten phrase

In time of need, a centipede,

Crawls slowly through brain waves.

Never, never do admit

The damage you have caused

Pass through every boundary

That gates the fragile laws.

Fix this, fix that

Beautiful but flawed

Oh, stop right there—

I guess… I care

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

My Best Friend

Once a crystal buried

In the depths of caverns

Lining the walls with

Drips and drops

Of the world’s most natural

Wonders.

Shining strongly

Where nobody can see.

Hoping and praying to catch

The sun’s bright light

And reflect its beauty upon those

Who wish to gaze.

Waiting, for an adventurer

To stumble upon their hidden value—

Their kindness to share

Their untouched soul.

They don’t need makeup

Or to wear a cute outfit

Just their organic self—

To reveal the organic self

Of the one who holds it

In their palm.

Colors of the sky

Live inside it.

The rough ridges of its surface

Could resemble a rock—

But, although in the same family

They are a far distant cousin.

Once discovered

And brought to the surface,

They can achieve their purpose—

Making its way to the flesh

And skin

That will tarnish the band

That holds it firmly towards

The universe.

A whirlwind of pleasure for all

Who gaze upon it.

A timeless treasure

From the underworld.

A symbol recognized by all,

Like a handshake

Or a smile.

A symbol of love, new beginnings

And promise—

My little friend on my finger.

Breathe—

Breathe—

Just breathe.

Close your eyes and think

Of something beautiful.

Waves crashing on the sand

And leaving their footprints on the shore.

It’s quite and serene.

You can hear the seagulls singing their song,

Like a sharp needle piercing through the silence.

It’s just you.

Feel the breeze upon your face

And imagine— a hand caressing your cheek.

Nothing can hurt you here.

You’re safe.

The sun is beating down on your warm,

And tender skin.

You can feel the tingle, the burn

But you don’t mind.

Life is beginning to escape your mind,

Confined to a place in your heart

That is forgotten for while.

Make it all go away.

Breathe—just breathe.

A Miracle On The Pavement

He’s running.

Running away from the past,

Running towards the future.

All he can hear is his heartbeat,

His deep, rapid breathes,

And, the sound of his strong feet

Pounding on the pavement.

He’s thinking.

Thinking about everything he’s been through

To this point.

Obsessions.

Thinking about his family,

And how lucky he is to have so many people

Who love him.

Thinking about the fact that he actually is running,

Again.

About how thankful he is

That he was given this second chance

To experience life,

The way he always did.

He begins to run harder and harder,

Running out all the pain and frustration

Of the past few years.

He’s exhausted.

Yet, he keeps running

Because he can.

Sweat dripping off his forehead

And onto his nose.

As it drips onto his lips,

He can taste the salt of his struggle.

He forgot that taste,

And appreciates the fact

That he is able to revisit it.

The taste of fitness,

Of endurance,

Strength.

The taste that always drove him to keep moving,

Never stop.

At that moment,

He stops running.

He closes his eyes.

And, he smiles.

Throwing his hands up in the air

He shouts out loud

For the world to hear.

For God to hear.

What he said, you will never know.

However, it silently changed your life.

HeHeHhmhrmhrhHhmophmrophmr

The Stairway To My Spirit

Belly up, eyes shut, fingers spread, legs uncrossed

Fantastical focus transports your mind to

A world where everything is perfect, calm and content

With oneself.

Hearing her voice grow speechless and soundless

I drift off to the place where

I don’t miss the train, wake up late or disappoint my love.

I cannot move—my body as stiff as their fabricated smiles but still,

As weightless as the words uttered from their unlined and unlimited lips.

I take a step toward the stairs

Each containing another level of my placidity.

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Violet

Rise On Your Golden Bright Vivacity

And climb to the colossal doors,

Which open to grant the gift of your choosing.

Savor the moment as I sit under the mountainous willow

That provides shelter from

the vexing volume of my worries.

I speak to my guide who grants me a wish

That I wish to save for later.

I unhook the energy that is attached to my forehead

And free myself of that which weighs me down to their level.

Saying goodbye, turning the key and bursting open the doors

Giving off a burning, blazing and brilliant white light,

Which activated my id.

I have learned from the energy: renewed and restored and ready

To wake back up.

Introduction

Hi friends! My name is Alicia Stein and I would like to share some of my poetry with you. I have endured a lot over the past few years, and have used my passion for writing poetry as an emotional outlet. Although I will not specifically reveal the hardships that I continue to face, I am confident that if you read closely between the lines of my work, you will gain insight into my life and, more importantly, my soul. Beauty is skin deep, and I believe that poetry is the same. The most beautiful thoughts and philosophies within my poetry are the ones that are not readable on the surface, but rather behind the words that I write on the page. Please enjoy my work! Light and love to you all.